I feel judged.

I literally keep a list on my phone of what you say in your sleep. Some of my favorites include:

• This is why I don't date senators. (Still don't know why)
• It's soup day!
• I swear that spearfish is a hooker.
• Shut the fffffffffuck up. (Not directed at me)
• Ham ham ham ham ham ham ham...
• (Heavy sigh) I miss Zimbabwe. (Has never been to Zimbabwe)

Hi

It's okay. He's tone-deaf.

That's the best thing I've ever seen!

Offer potato

Santa the other 11 months of the year

I'VE ONLY PLAYED THE FIRST. I'VE BEEN MEANING TO PLAY THE SECOND.

No, it's a pocket for Kevin.

I SAID NO LOLLYGAGGIN

WHAT GAME IS THIS FROM? THIS IS AN AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS QUOTE AND I WOULD LIKE TO PLAY THE GAME!

Happy birthday!

I will now!

He was shot around 10:15 pm on April 14 and died across the street at 7:22 am on April 15.

The first woman to be executed by the US federal government was executed as a result of Lincoln's assassination. Her name was Mary Surratt and her youngest son, Johnny, was considered Booth's "right hand man".

I was about to comment something along the lines of "You add water and drink it, dumbass" but then I realized that it does not, in fact, say metamucil. I'm the dumbass.

Any time I can't pet the dog.

I work with special needs students. This semester I'm 1 on 1 with one of the cutest Down Syndrome girls ever. Yesterday she just did NOT want to go to her culinary class. She just wanted to go home after being at school for only an hour. There was no budging her.

Today, not only did she go to culinary, but she had a blast taking part in the lesson. I had a blast watching her.

Now I'm laying in bed and my partner has fallen asleep spooning me. I'd say my day is going pretty well. Nice start to the weekend.

I know a lot about the Lincoln assassination.